Monday, March 31, 2014

One In A Million You

THIS POST WAS WRITTEN TWO SATURDAYS AGO.  LOTS HAS HAPPENED SINCE THEN WHICH I WILL SHARE IN ANOTHER POST SOON. 
 
 

Saturday found me at Wapato Park doing my thing while enjoying simple pleasures like the sun glistening off the lake and the ducks gliding across the water without a care, and the folks walking their dogs -- I hate it when I come across big piles of poop from those damn big dogs and careless don't-give-a-damn owners though. It's nasty.  But I love the feel of the sun on my skin and my most enjoyable glee, is that I'm even back to walking -- with a hitch in my giddyup I might add.  Last year I didn't even know if I'd still be a member of the living and thriving by this time and yet here I be. I've still got breast cancer, and I'm still a stage 4 pancreatic cancer patient with metastasis to the liver but today I'm alive and I'm not in pain and I'm still able to participate in my life. Today I have a reason to smile.  A lot.  Hey, I'm heading off to Mexico this Sunday.  What can I say? I'm blessed!  I'm enjoying the world around me and last but not least -- I still get to be a pain in the collective butts of my family and friends when I need to be ornery.  And on some days -- chuckle, chuckle -- I can do ornery like nobody's business.

                                          L to R - Lisa, my sister, Tamara, my niece, Tony,
                                          me and my nephew Verdel
                                   

While doing my laps around the lake, thoughts tumble across my mind, flashing through the stages of my life like one of those old movie reels, with the past and the present playing a game of hopscotch in my head.  Are you familiar with the song One In A Million by Larry Graham from the group Graham Central Station?  Yep, that's one of those jams from my 70's funk days.  I'm sure the song was written with a love story in mind, but on Saturday, for me, it brought to mind my boys, and my granddaughter and everybody and everyone in my life who has shown me some love over the past year. 

While listening to my ipod and the lyrics of the song, I thought about my sons and their births, and this one time I recalled my oldest - at 2 months - stretching his little body after napping.  It's funny how one tiny little memory will intrude out of the blue like that.  He looked so sweet and tiny.  He's a grown man now, who stands head and shoulders over me -- so kind hearted and true -- but there are times when he'll yawn and stretch and I'll see the face of that little baby he was and it'll make my heart long for just a moment from the past and at the same time, yes I get melancholy (just a little), I can't help but wonder about a future I may not be a part of.   My first born is my one in a million.

                                          L to R - Tony, me, Michael, daughter-in-law Melissa,
                                          and in the front is my Diamond.


A one in a million, chance of a lifetime,
And life showed compassion,
And sent to me a stroke of love called you,
A one in a million you


When my youngest son was born I'll never forget how huge and penetrating his eyes were.  After his birth I remember the nurse cleaned him up and then swaddled him in a blanket cocoon-like and laid him in the bassinet beside my bed.  As she went about her business, she shrieked drawing my attention and said,  "Oh geez it looks like he's following me around the room with those big eyes of his."  Then she shook it off as if absurd and said somewhat doubtfully.  "His eyes are not yet cleared so he can't really see anything."  Hmmm...I still believe my baby boy could see exactly what he wanted to see.  And as a young boy, and as an adult, he's always seen just that much more than everybody else.  My son, my one in a million you.


But one day the sun it came a'shinin' through,
The rain had stopped, and the skies were blue,
And oh, what a revelation, to see,
Someone was saying "I love you" to me,


                                  My Diamond.

My granddaughter is my mini me.  She's got a dynamic personality with a sense of humor that is a culmination of me and her dad's ridiculousness -- and I mean that in the most complimentary of ways, with her mama's sharp wit and beauty.  When I think of my granddaughter I can't help but smile.  She is my joy, my precious jewel, my Diamond. When my son told me they were naming their first and only child Diamond, I was horrified. Stripper poles in raunchy smoked filled clubs came to mind with drunks trying to put dollar bills where they didn't belong.  But now, I can't imagine this precious gem as anything but a Diamond.  That's my girl!  One in a million!

A one in a million, chance of a lifetime,
And life, showed compassion,
And sent to me, a stroke of love called you...
A one in a million you, a one in a million.....you.


As my feet propelled me around the park, my mind continued to absorb everything that came forward -- a cacophony of thoughts and memories making noise.  I thought of all my colleagues and friends -- who I continue to give many props -- who've carried me over this past year taking me to chemo appointments, moving me with inspiration and love, and just being available to me.  All are my peeps and in my opinion, they are one in a million folks.  I'm really grateful for each and every one of them.


                                          Me and my friend, Jennifer



A one in a million you...
  



                       L to R my sister Vickie, me and my niece Megan.

I think you can either allow yourself to get carried away by life or taken on the journey of a lifetime.  I'm shooting for the latter and stubbornly enjoying each day as if presented to me on a platter of gold. Tony asked me one day if I was happy.  I told him I was and felt pretty confident I was speaking the truth. I have my down days but who doesn't when trying to walk through life with what feels at times like a damn elephant is sitting on your back.  Sadly, all of my online friends fighting this battle know exactly what I'm talking about.  I'm not happy with cancer and chemo and my prognosis and I'd be a big fat liar if I said I was. BUT in spite of cancer, I'm happy with my life and the really special folks that share it with me.

                                                     My peeps


                                       My best friend, Mary and me on the right


                                        Mary and hubby, Greg

Enjoy my song choice and take care of you!  In my humble opinion, you are all One In A Million!



"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die."
Thomas Campbell