Pre Mondays

I hate Mondays.  I should hate Sundays, being it's the day before but I don’t.  Funny, I used to hate Monday because I had to return to my desk, and the issues on it waiting to be resolved.  Now I’d give anything to be able to go to work as opposed to showing up at Virginia Mason for another chemo drip.  But that’s not all that’s been on my mind, a shadow has been hanging over me this entire weekend and it has nothing to do with the gloomy weather.  My best friend’s son is seriously ill and I can’t do a thing to help. It truly, truly hurts my heart that her son is going through so much, and as with any mother, when your child hurts you hurt, and my dear friend is in agony.     

Ah man. I'm also experiencing a new side effect from Chemo.  I found a spot on my arm this weekend and thought it was chocolate – obviously because I’ve been eating chocolate as a balm for what ails me -- but when I went to rub it off it was actually my skin that peeled off.  What the hell?  Crap.  I cleaned the area and slapped some Neosporin and a band aid on it then frantically did a check of the whole body for more dark spots.  Thank Goodness, none found, but oh man, that was creepy.

Added to that, mom, dad and Kenny have been on my mind off and on all weekend and I've felt such sadness.  Not that thinking about them is unusual, but the sadness that came on combined with everything else? – just sucks.  Remember that song, ‘Momma said there’ll be days like this there’ll be days like this my Momma said”? Okay, one would probably not be familiar with the song unless born in the 50’s or 60’s or into 60’s oldies, but my point is, sometimes things catch up and rock bottom hits hard and fast. Well, I feel like I just literally cracked my head on the virtual bottom, and my tricks for positive thinking just headed south. 

What to do, what to do?  I guess a funk is what I’m in right now so I just have to deal with it. Dang, I just don't think I've ever felt this broken before.   

Who knows, maybe it's just a matter of getting my yellow pant suit out of the cleaners.  :)  Tomorrow will be a better day.

Thanks for listening.