Circle of Love

So I’ve been lamenting (my fancy word for whining) these last few days on some bad stuff and thought I’d share some better moments, because to be honest, I’m getting sick of my own self imposed tragedy by sulking.  Yesterday was really medicinal for me.  Early morning I had some blood work done and that doesn’t count as medicinal by any means as far as I’m concerned, but then I stopped by my office to see my crew.  Every time I visit the office my colleagues pull away from their busy desks and give me rock star treatment and it is like medicine to me.  If I’m feeling ‘oh woe is me’ when I get there, I for damn sure don’t feel like that when I leave.  This group of angels deemed my 'circle of love' makes me feel like I am somebody special, and on some days, everybody needs to feel like that. 

Below is a picture of me and the gals in my own department.  I’ve been with my company for 20 plus years and have worked with these amazing ladies for the last 6.  As colleagues and as friends, they rock!  I have been on leave since being diagnosed and really miss interacting with them during the workweek, so of course, any time we can get together we have to disappear for a long lunch and some quality bonding.  Well, yesterday was as good a day as any. We went to the Lone Provincial in downtown Seattle, and chatted about a whole bunch of stuff while grazing on some grilled noodles and seafood and other yummy stuff I can't remember the name of.  We laughed loud and talked loud like we always do when in each other’s company.  During the six months prior to my surgery on Chemo Mondays my ‘circle of love’ never gave me a moments peace, and I mean that in the most complimentary of ways.  There was always somebody from my office sitting in a chair close by me to do the proverbial handholding.  And my gals pictured below, and other members of the 'circle of love', would bring me amusing anecdotes on office gossip, which is a naughty indulgence of mine, some hot cocoa from Dilettante Mocha Cafe - another naughty indulgence -- and lunch or snacks or handmade blankets or knitted shawls to keep me warm.  Sometimes all of them would be in my room at once and I'd be catching z's from the cocktail of pills the nurse had given me before starting my chemo, and the ladies would just chat around me while I snoozed.

I think my biggest fear since being diagnosed with cancer is that I will fade away, and be forgotten...or become an afterthought...after work, or play or everything else, because it is a fact that life moves forward.  Disease slowed my butt down to a crawl.  No lie.  And sometimes it's just hard for me to keep up with everybody as they proceed with business as usual, because nothing is usual for me anymore.  It is what it is.  But my ‘circle of love’ will not let me fall behind.  They are holding on to me as tightly as I am holding on to them, and they just keep pulling me along with them.  For that, I am eternally grateful. 

I wish for all of you going through this thing called cancer or any debilitating illness, to have a 'circle of love'.  My family and friends bring light to my dark days and at times they can make everything that feels wrong right again. For anyone who does not have a 'circle of love', and even if you do, I would be honored if you would consider me in your circle, and just maybe we can get through this thing together.

Ciao baby!


 “you never know how strong you are... until being strong is the only choice you have.”
― Cayla Mills