"She"

I have always been a fan of abstract art and I don't buy anything that doesn't move me.  The great Picasso is my favorite of course.  My eyes welled up when I first viewed this abstract painting which is appropriately titled "She".  Wasn't sure why at the time, but now I get it. For me, "She" represents that indomitable spirit I recognized in my mom, who was a force of nature to me.  A woman of few words, but with the intent to speak volumes about all the things that should matter.  I mattered to her even when I may not have always felt I deserved to, for instance the second time I totaled the family car. Mom was powerful by being subtle and awesome just by the very nature of her being.  I didn't truly appreciate or understand all that she was when she was with us.  To me then, she was just my beautiful mom.  But I've said it before, and I'll probably have this reckoning a million more times before meeting my maker, hindsight is a butt kicker.  What I know now, I wish I'd recognized then and told her so.  The strengths I so valued in my mom may just be the strengths I've acquired from her, through nurturing, love and by her understanding of the simplistic nature of her daughter, which now gives me the courage to deal with my life as it has become after cancer, because I am a part of this woman I called mom.  Thank you mom.  My heart aches with every day you are missing from my life.  I love you always!

"She" are the women I've met in my life who've nourished my soul by empowering me, by believing in me, by sustaining me when I needed it before and after being diagnosed.  Incredibly motivating and spirited women like my sister who gave me a place to land when the cancer diagnosis had me emotionally airborne, and my niece who has always given me a reason to smile, and my best friend who keeps me grounded so I don't float off into the sunset, and even the women I've "met" online --  these women of "She" who are brave and strong and courageous with the same indomitable spirit I recognized in my mother.  Due to our intertwining paths, I have become a part of these women.

"She" also includes men I know and those I've "met" online who are strong in courage, and compassionate and empathetic and supportive and kind, men whose lives have been touched by cancer, men who may have been influenced and encouraged by the incredible women in their own lives.  Men of "She" -- yeah, that fits. I am happy to call these men brothers.

"She" is the grit in me.  It's that one thing that lets me know I can do anything that has to be done one more time if necessary, and then again and again if I have to. I will need this grit and more when chemo becomes a drag on me body and soul.

The thing I like about abstract art is that it changes every time I look at it, which at any given time, probably has something to do with the emotional static in my life; at the same time, it allows me to find exactly what I need from a creation without the influence or the ideals of anyone or anything else.  My desires allow me to find what I need to see at just a time in my life when I need to see it.

So yes, I got all of this out of one really extraordinary painting by Elizabeth Forest, but then I pride myself on being slightly off track.  It's the artiste in me.  "Elizabeth’s Canvas is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization that empowers cancer patients and survivors through the creative process."   They allow self-expression through the arts, which to me is great therapy without having to sit on a couch with the clock ticking away while talking through my childhood woes.  The website is worth checking out -- http://www.elizabethscanvas.org/

In addition to my love of artwork that is intriguing and unique, my own personal creative outlet has always been my love of the written word.  Through self expression, writing allows me to shout out loud emotionally if that's what I need to do, creating a peacefulness down deep, which allows me to pause during chaos so I can catch my breath, and heal.

To all of you out there, I hope blogging, or art or whatever gives you peace during this journey, has helped find your center -- a creative outlet for your own healing.  Take care of you.


“I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.
- Atticus Finch”
― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird