I had a great day today, actually I've had a lot of really good days lately. No nausea, no laying in bed all day as if weighed down by mud. The fear and anxiety that has been a constant since my diagnosis -- both of them -- even kept its distance while I just enjoyed the day. It was my sister Vickie's birthday and I just piggy backed off her good feelings. She has been celebrating her birthday since March 1st and it's been pretty difficult not to get a good buzz off just being present. Did I mention she came home with a beautiful ruby red 2001 corvette Monday? Pretty cool. She's wanted a corvette since she was about eighteen and has been talking about getting one for the last year. Well, she did it!
I did something too. Yesterday I went on a short walk -- well, kind of short. I got a little light headed on the way back because I'd gone a bit further than intended, which just tells me I need to respect there may be some limitations that warrant taking it slower. Oh my gosh, thinking back, I was on such a rush when I was working out before. Kept it going for months. But once I heard about the cancers I hit a brick wall and just figured what the hell? But I understand now that it's important for me to keep on living the way I do, and to keep on fighting back against this cancer and not let it get the best of me. So today I got up and went to my gym and I made it 40 minutes on the exercise bike. It felt really good to be strong enough and fit enough to complete the full time. By working out my body, and keeping it strong it's my way of sticking my middle up against cancer! Hell yeah!
I've seen Valerie Harper on multiple interviews about her recent terminal diagnosis for brain cancer. What she and her family are experiencing right now is heartbreaking. But the woman inspires the hell out of me and I wish I could tell her that. With her world crashing in around her she's on television, speaking out and sharing her story with all of us. Her fear is almost tangible, yet she pushes back so that she can inspire complete strangers not to give up on life. Because you frickin' fight back until the last hour, the last minute to the very last second. I love her comment, "Don't attend the funeral a day before the funeral." Now that's a superwoman right there!
One of my most favorite quotes is from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross:
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Now here's some really good news. I had a cat scan and X-ray on Monday to see if the chemo was doing its job, and my doctor was very pleased with the results. My cancer is stable and I am right on track for the surgery in July. I'm serious, Dr. Percozzi had a smile on his face, and he doesn't smile a lot. I asked, 'Are you happy with these results?' and he said, "I am very happy". So I'm happy.
On the breast cancer, my apologies as I seem to have flown by this one and ignored it competely. Here's what's happening. The mass is in my right breast and it is about 1 centimeter in size, very small. I met with a breast cancer team and it is their opinion, and Dr. Percozzi agrees, that the cancer in the breast is very slow growing and if we have to wait a year to address it they do not feel it will change much. Please God -- please let this be the case. Since the pancreatic cancer is the most threatening to my life, my doctors have determined that this is where the focus should be at this time.
More updates to come.
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