Another Chemo Monday

I just spent the past two weeks at a pity party for one, and it lasted a lot longer than it probably should have.  Emotionally, I've been all over the place, in a state of completely pissed off most of the time.  With the chancer in my body causing chaos, my mood swings have been just as chaotic.  I'm not the life of the party these days that's for sure.

With the increase in one of the chemo meds at my last appointmewnt the side effects have been painfully obvious over the past two weeks, with infections in two fingers and bleeding in the others. If I reach into my purse touching my fingers to anything can make me holler, or putting on socks, tying the shoe strings on my sneakers, every damn thing presents a challenge that causes some kind of pain and/or frustration.  Needless to say, tapping on my computer keys has become a chore with bandaged fingers.  In addition, I managed to get a low grade infection in my chest so the doctor has prescribed a little antibiotic to take care of all infections present and accounted for.  The chemo drug that affects the nails was reduced by half on Monday so hopefully things will calm down a bit.  I know I will still lose most of my nails but I can surely do without the bleeding and infections; it's just gross.  I've taken to soaking my ravaged nails in Tea Tree Oil at night, a natural antiseptic, diluted in warm water.  The Tea Tree Oil, combined with the antibiotic, should help manage the discomfort.  So that's the update on that.

Truthfully, with the exception of all the crap going on with my nails, I'm physically doing pretty good.  I made my way to Wapato Park yesterday and did 5 laps walking while keeping up a pretty good pace, with Michael Jackson screaming into my IPOD.  This morning I woke up to very sore thighs which is evidence of a good work out.  I'm getting ready to head out to Wapato for another go at it right now.  Wish me luck on keeping the energy up.  I'm hoping to make it 6 laps today.

All I can do these days is to keep trying the way I do it.  Yep, my family and close friends can attest to me being a cantankerous, and ornery butt who is not always fun to be around.  My only excuse...it's just the special way I do me (ha ha).  I do however, appreciate anyone and everyone who puts up with me.  I really do.  All in my world are pretty amazing folks. I'm blessed.

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” ― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP