Frickin' Cancer

The chemo medication 5FU injected into my port for two days was removed on Saturday, but the residual effects of this chemo drug took a bit longer to stand down.  Sunday my stomach was borderline yucky, just barely hanging steady as I tried to find substance to ease the nausea.  I woke up early morning with severe cramping from constipation, I guess from all the meds I'd been given for nausea, which included Ondansetron, Fosaprepitant and Decadron that were administered during my infusion via IV and then I'd been chugging down Prochlorperazine and Lorazepam at home.  So anyway, then comes some Dulcolax for the constipation, then I get acid reflux so took some Omeprazole.  Nothing worked and I was so miserable.  I laid back on a pile of pillows and dosed in and out of sleep for what felt like the longest night in hell.  When I finally lifted myself out of bed on Monday morning my stomach felt like it had been put through a meat grinder…deep breaths in deep breaths out…to relieve the shakiness.  I lost the battle when I tried to take my usual medications which was the catalyst for my stomach to heave ho and ended up spending the morning with my head hanging over the toilet…ugggg…not good.  I’ve lost about four pounds in the last week.  Dammit!  As strange as this may sound, even after the 6-months of chemo I’ve endured, without nausea, and the Whipple procedure, this is the first time I’ve actually felt like a cancer patient.  Cancer’s got me in the frickin’ Twighlight Zone and nothing is how it’s supposed to be.  This loss of control scared the crap out of me and I ended up calling my son in-between dips into the toilet with, “Sick…get here!”  He had to come from across town but miraculously ended up at my front door within about 20 minutes.  My Tony helped me clean up the mess, then he went to the local Walgreens for some 7-up and saltine crackers.  So soothing. 

This morning I was weak as a kitten but my poor stomach was feeling a little less queasy.  I made myself get up throughout the night to drink water to keep from becoming dehydrated and I think it helped.  That said it still took every ounce of energy I could muster to get into the shower this morning, and dress myself.  My plan of attack today:  Walk up to the 7-11 for some mini exercise and to get my lotto tickets for Wednesday’s game.  I missed getting tickets last night because I could barely get out of the bed let alone walk to the store, and thank goodness there wasn’t a jackpot winner.  I’ve been playing the same numbers for the last three years and would have been royally pissed at this cancer for getting in my way from winning the Jackpot.    Mission accomplished, got my tickets and now back on track for the big Jackpot win!  I’m sure my slow paced walk to the store lacked a bit of a hitch in my get-a-long but it felt good moving my body, breathing in fresh air and feeling the mist left from the early morning’s rain against my skin.  I felt alive!

Here are some positive things happening I’m focusing on these days.  The Hallmark Channel’s Countdown ‘Til Christmas started this Saturday.  That means we get Christmas movies all day long – And Lifetime Channel starts their countdown this coming weekend.  Whoopee!  Hey I love Christmas and these movies are great – guy meets girl, girl meets guy with all kinds of love buzzing in the air around the holiday season!  You know what?  No matter what’s going on in my life these movies always manage to put a smile on my face.  I personally believe that whenever I smile there’s some healing going on. 

Don't let cancer knock the smile off your face!




Eric Butterworth Don't go through life, grow through life.